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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143026">He Forgets Me, He Forgets Me Not</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/backslashdelta/pseuds/backslashdelta'>backslashdelta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>He Forgets Me, He Forgets Me Not [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Blaine with Alzheimer's, Boatloads of angst, Canon Compliant, Do not read it if you don't want to be depressed about life, Funeral, Future Fic, Future Klaine, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Old Age, Old Married Couple, Seriously This Is Very Sad, Wakes &amp; Funerals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:49:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/backslashdelta/pseuds/backslashdelta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of vignettes of Kurt and Blaine's life as Blaine progresses through the stages of Alzheimer's disease.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>He Forgets Me, He Forgets Me Not [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2258360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>He Forgets Me, He Forgets Me Not</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I woke up one morning and the idea for this fic popped into my mind. My grandmother has Alzheimer's disease, and much of this is based on my experience watching her progress, although I haven't really done any research outside of that so I apologize if I've described anything inaccurately.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Blaine, honey, you need to go get your shower now if you want to be ready by the time Jules gets here," Kurt says, popping his head into the living room where his husband is sitting in the arm chair with a book and a cup of coffee.</p><p>"Oh, is Julia coming over?" Blaine asks with surprise.</p><p>The corners of Kurt's mouth twitch down, but he tries to suppress the frown. "Yes, she told us yesterday that she'd stop by."</p><p>"Hmm. I must have forgotten," Blaine says as he picks up the bookmark from the arm of the chair and slides it between the pages, "guess I'd better go get that shower then."</p><p>Kurt wanders back into the kitchen as Blaine makes his way to the bathroom. They're getting old, and it's not like forgetting a visit like this is even that unusual... if it were just the one time. But Blaine's lapses in memory are becoming more and more frequent, and it's starting to worry Kurt just a little.</p><p>He pushes the feeling to the back of his mind as the timer goes off and he reaches down to pull the cookies out of the oven.</p>
<hr/><p>"You know, when I proposed to your grandfather here, all our friends thought I was crazy. But they helped me out anyway. And it was perfect," Blaine beams at Kurt, and Kurt can't help the smile that spreads across his face at the memory. It really couldn't have been more perfect.</p><p>Blaine turns back to their granddaughter, Mallory, and bounces her on his knee. "I gathered up all the show choirs, we did this Beatles medley, and I led him through the halls of my old high school. Then I got down on one knee and proposed to him on the staircase where we first met." Blaine's eyes are twinkling with the memory, and Kurt reaches out to take Blaine's free hand, giving it a light squeeze.</p><p>"Wow, really?" Mallory asks, looking up at Blaine with wide eyes.</p><p>"Really," Blaine says with a warm smile, "and he even said yes." Blaine leans over and gives Kurt a quick peck on the cheek as Kurt chuckles.</p><p>"Who are the Beatles?"</p><p>Blaine barks out a laugh. "Wow, your mother hasn't taught you who the Beatles are?" he asks with mock horror.</p><p>"Nooooo she didn't!" Mallory responds with a giggle, shaking her head.</p><p>"Don't worry Mal, I'll show you. You'll love them." He places a soft kiss on top of her head before gently shifting her onto Kurt's lap, then makes his way over to their CD collection on the other side of the room. He flicks through the CDs there before pulling out a case, flipping it open, and popping the disk into the CD player. He hits play, then comes back to the couch, takes a seat, and pulls Mallory back into his lap. Mallory beams as Blaine sings along to the first track, dancing in his arms and trying to sing with him, and he plants a kiss on her cheek as the song ends.</p><p>"Mommy how come you never showed me that?" she asks, looking over at Julia.</p><p>"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't know you'd like it so much," Julia says with a shrug and a small laugh.</p><p>"You know, I sang the Beatles to your grandfather when I proposed to him," Blaine says, giving Mallory's body a small squeeze.</p><p>"I know grampa, you just told me that," she says with a small frown, and Kurt frowns at that, too.</p><p>"Oh, did I? Silly me. I must be getting old," Blaine says with a smile, then ruffles her hair.</p><p>"Hey!" she screams as he tickles her side, and then she's collapsing into a pile of giggles in his lap.</p><p>Kurt shakes his head quickly, replaces the frown on his face with a tight smile. He doesn't want to think about what any of this might mean.</p>
<hr/><p>Kurt shrugs off his jacket and hangs it carefully in the front closet. He toes off his boots, picks up the bag of groceries he'd rested on the floor, and makes his way into the kitchen.</p><p>There are two pots on the stove; a large pot filled with pasta, and another, smaller pot of pasta sauce, bubbling up and spilling red over the stovetop. Kurt drops the bag onto the floor, rushes forward and moves the pots from the burners, then turns them off. There's water on the stove, too, and Kurt realizes the reason the pasta wasn't boiling over is because it already has; there's no water left in the pot, and the macaroni has baked onto the bottom and sides.</p><p>"Blaine?" he calls out, trying to suppress the worry in his voice, "Blaine, honey, are you okay?"</p><p>He wanders through the house until he finds Blaine sitting in their spare room, where they keep the piano, headphones over his ears and plugged in to the instrument as he listens to himself play.</p><p>He walks up to Blaine, puts a hand gently on his shoulder, and Blaine jumps a little in surprise at the contact. Blaine looks up to see Kurt and slides the headphones off his ears.</p><p>"Hi, love," Blaine greets him with a warm smile.</p><p>"You had me worried there for a minute," Kurt says, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on Blaine cheek.</p><p>Blaine's brow furrows. "Worried?"</p><p>"I came in with the groceries and the pasta sauce was boiling over," Kurt explains, trying to keep his voice light.</p><p>Blaine frowns now. "What pasta sauce?"</p><p>"That pasta sauce you were- Blaine, you were making pasta before I left, it was still on the stove."</p><p>"No, I've been here for...," Blaine glances at the clock, then back at Kurt, "I don't know, a while. I wasn't cooking anything."</p><p>"Honey, I saw you getting out the pasta when I was leaving," Kurt says gently.</p><p>Blaine is still frowning. "I've been in here for hours, Kurt. You must have put it on the stove and forgot about it."</p><p>Kurt purses his lips, looks at Blaine for a moment, his expression a mixture of agitation and confusion, and maybe a little bit of fear.</p><p>"Yeah, you must be right," Kurt concedes, though he knows it's a lie, "I must have forgotten. It's fine, I'll make us something else for lunch." He offers Blaine a tight smile, and Blaine smiles tentatively back at him.</p><p>"I'll come get you when it's ready," Kurt says, squeezing Blaine's shoulder lightly before heading out of the room.</p>
<hr/><p>Kurt is sitting at the table pinning fabric. It's his and Blaine's wedding anniversary soon, and he wants to make something nice for his husband. But it's not often that he's alone in the house, so he has to make use of every opportunity he can get; even if those opportunities are only fifteen minutes here and there when Blaine makes a run to the corner store for milks and eggs.</p><p>But fifteen minutes has turned into half an hour, and now as Kurt glances at the clock it's pushing forty-five minutes, so he's a little concerned. The shop is only a few minutes away, and Blaine's been known to get chatty with checkout girl, but even then it never takes this long. He frowns. What if there was an accident?</p><p>No. If something happened, he would have gotten a call. If not from Blaine, then from <em>someone</em>. It can't be that. Blaine must just be extra chatty today; he hasn't been to the corner store in a few weeks, there's a lot to catch up on.</p><p>He's only pinning for another couple minutes before the phone rings. He jumps at the sound, then hurries over and unhooks it from the wall.</p><p>"Hello?" he says, a little too fast, a little too loud.</p><p>"Hi, Kurt."</p><p>It's Blaine's voice on the line, and Kurt didn't realize how much tension was in his body until his shoulders relaxed at the familiar sound.</p><p>"Hey, honey. Where are you?"</p><p>"I, um... I'm not sure," Blaine admits hesitantly.</p><p>Kurt frowns. "What do you mean you're not sure? You aren't at the store?"</p><p>"I was, but then I just... I guess I thought I'd take the long way back home, and...," Blaine trails off, sounding embarrassed, and Kurt can picture the red tinge that must be colouring his cheeks.</p><p>"It's okay sweetheart," Kurt says, a forcible cheeriness in his voice that he hopes Blaine doesn't notice is forced. "Are you still in your car? What do you see?"</p><p>"There's, um... There's a bakery. I'm parked in front of it."</p><p>"Celeste's?"</p><p>"Yeah, that's it."</p><p>"Okay, honey, you stay there and I'll come meet you, okay? Then you can follow me home," Kurt says as he begins to fold up the fabric on the table, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder.</p><p>"Thank you, love," Blaine replies, "I'm not sure what happened, I've been to the store a million times, I should have just come back the way I always do, and-"</p><p>"Blaine, don't worry about it, it's okay. I'll be right there. Stay put." He hopes Blaine believes the casual tone he's trying to sell.</p><p>Blaine drives past Celeste's Sweets every time he goes to that store.</p>
<hr/><p>"Here's your coffee," Kurt says, placing a mug down on the side table next to the arm chair where Blaine is sitting, then taking a seat in the chair beside him.</p><p>"Thank you, love of my life," Blaine says, smiling broadly at him.</p><p>Kurt smiles back, though it's a bit hesitant. Blaine is in such a good mood today, and he doesn't want to ruin it. Blaine has always had such a mild temperament, but lately he's been getting frustrated, upset, even <em>angry</em> more easily, and Kurt doesn't want to ruin the mood, but he needs to talk to his husband; and maybe it will be easier with Blaine already in such a good mood.</p><p>"I wanted to talk to you about something," Kurt says carefully, watching Blaine's expression, trying to anticipate the reaction of the man he knows better than he knows himself, except that's not always true lately, is it?</p><p>Blaine tips his head to the side curiously. "What is it?"</p><p>"I was thinking that maybe... we should make you an appointment. With your doctor."</p><p>Blaine frowns, stares at him for a moment before he speaks again. "For what?"</p><p>"I've just noticed that you... your memory has been a little bad, lately. And you've left the stove on a few times. And then last week, when you got lost on your way back from the store, and I just... I'd feel better if we had a check in with a doctor," Kurt explains gently.</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Blaine asks, frown deepening. "I'm not– I didn't get <em>lost</em> on a trip to the store, Kurt, I think I'd remember that."</p><p>"Sweetheart, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, I'm just a little worried about you. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'd feel better if–"</p><p>"So I'm old, Kurt, <em>we're</em> old, I'm going to forget things, that's just what <em>happens</em>," Blaine says, raising his voice angrily, and Kurt shrinks back a little in his chair.</p><p>"Blaine, honey, it's probably nothing, but please, for me?"</p><p>"There nothing wrong with me, Kurt. I don't need a <em>doctor</em>."</p><p>"I really don't want to argue with you, but Blaine, I just think that–"</p><p>"Then <em>stop arguing</em>," Blaine huffs. "I'm not going to a doctor. I'm <em>fine</em>." Blaine stands then, makes his way toward the doorway, leaving his coffee untouched on the table.</p><p>"Blaine, where are you going?" Kurt asks, voice a little panicked.</p><p>"I'm going to play the piano. Feel free to let me know when you've come to your senses," he grumbles, and then he's gone.</p><p>It's not Blaine, that wasn't <em>Blaine</em>, Kurt tries to tell himself. Something is wrong. This isn't Blaine. Blaine doesn't act like that, Blaine doesn't <em>talk to him</em> like that.</p><p>He supposes he'll have to try again another day.</p>
<hr/><p>With Julia's help, Kurt had finally managed to convince Blaine to talk to a doctor. And it's taken some time, but they finally have an official diagnosis; Alzheimer's.</p><p>Kurt isn't sure if Blaine is in denial, or if he just genuinely forgets most of the time. It's hard to tell. Sometimes Kurt forgets, too. He wakes up in the morning to his husband's warm, familiar body in bed next to him, and for those blissful few moments before his brain is fully alert, everything feels okay, feels <em>normal</em>. Until he remembers, and then all there is is to make the best of it.</p><p>On this particular morning, he wakes up to find the other side of the bed empty, which is unusual, because Kurt is a relatively light sleeper – especially in his older age – and he'll usually wake up if Blaine gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. But Blaine is definitely not here, and his spot is cold, so he must have been up for a while. Kurt rubs the sleep from his eyes, slips his feet into his slippers on the floor, and pads out of the bedroom.</p><p>He makes his way to the kitchen to make his morning coffee, passing the spare room with the piano, the bathroom, and the living room on his way, and... Blaine isn't in any of them. He's not in the kitchen, either.</p><p>"Blaine?" Kurt asks, making his way back down the hall toward the basement stairs; they don't go in the basement often, but it's really the only other place in the house that Blaine could be.</p><p>He makes his ways down the stairs; no Blaine here, either, and he's starting to panic. "Blaine?" he asks, pitch rising higher with anxiety as he hurries back up the steps and makes his way to the front door. The open front door.</p><p>He walks out onto the front deck, looks around; no Blaine in sight. "<em>Blaine</em>?" he calls out loudly, voice full of panic now.</p><p>"Is everything okay, Kurt?" his neighbour, Sammy, asks, looking up from her gardening.</p><p>"I just, um... have you seen Blaine? I don't... I just woke up and he isn't here."</p><p>Sammy straightens up, dusts off her faded jeans with her dirty palms. "No, sorry, I haven't. I've been out here for the past hour and I haven't seen a thing."</p><p>Kurt doesn't reply, just looks around again, surveying the surrounding yards. Their car is still in the driveway, so Blaine didn't drive anywhere, but he doesn't see any sign of him anywhere else, either.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Sammy asks tentatively, "Do you need help with something...?"</p><p>"No, no it's fine, I um... he's probably with Julia. I'll just go give her a call. Thanks, Sammy."</p><p>"Oh, yeah sure. Let me know if you need anything."</p><p>"Thank you," he says, offering her a tight smile before heading back into the house.</p><p>He picks up the phone and dials Julia's number; he almost gives up, but then she picks up after the fifth ring.</p><p>"Hello?" she asks, voice groggy.</p><p>"Hi Jules, sorry, did I wake you?"</p><p>He hears shuffling on the other end before she speaks again, sounding a little more alert but still not fully awake. "Yeah, I just... it's <em>seven thirty</em> dad, why are you calling me at <em>seven thirty on a Saturday</em>?"</p><p>"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, it's just... I guess your father isn't with you, is he?"</p><p>There's silence on the other end of the line again for a few moments before, slowly, "No... why would he be here?"</p><p><em>Crap</em>.</p><p>"I just, I woke up and he wasn't here, and the car is still here so I thought maybe he'd gone somewhere with you, and... I don't know where he is."</p><p>"He's not just in the shower?" Julia asks, and Kurt can hear her up and moving now.</p><p>"No, I checked the whole house, and he's not outside, and I was just talking to Sammy and she hasn't seen him, either."</p><p>"Okay dad, it's fine, I just... I'm getting ready now, I'll come over, and we can look for him, okay? He can't have gotten far, he probably just wandered off and got lost, it... it happens. We'll find him."</p><p>"Okay," Kurt says dumbly, taking a seat on one of the kitchen chairs because right now his legs don't feel like they can support the weight of his body.</p><p>It's not long before Julia is walking into the kitchen, dark curls pulled up in a messy bun on top of her head; she must not have showered, just pulled on some clothes and driven straight here.</p><p>"Do you know when he left?" she asks him, and at least she seems mostly calm, because usually Kurt is good at handling his emotions and putting on a brave face, but then, his husband has never been <em>missing</em>, and oh <em>god</em> where could Blaine <em>be</em>?</p><p>"Dad?" she asks, a little impatiently, though not too unkindly.</p><p>"No, sorry, I don't... I don't know."</p><p>"Okay, come on. We can take my car, drive around the block, see if we can find him," she says, a little more gently.</p><p>"Yeah, okay," Kurt agrees, getting up slowly and following her out to her car. He climbs in the passenger side, grateful he doesn't have to drive right now, and she pulls out onto the street, driving slowly and looking carefully through yards as they pass.</p><p>"He couldn't have gotten far without a car," Julia says, and Kurt's not really sure if she's talking to him or to herself.</p><p>They drive around the neighbourhood several times, with no sign of Blaine, before Julia finally suggests they call the police. Kurt hates it, it feels so official, like if they could just find him themselves they could laugh it off as a silly thing that happened one time, but if they report him <em>missing</em> then it's <em>serious</em>, and... Maybe Blaine isn't the only one of them in denial. He agrees, and Julia makes the call.</p><p>They're sitting at Kurt and Blaine's kitchen table a few hours later when the knock comes at the door, and Kurt isn't sure he's ever moved as fast in his life as he does when he hears that sound; he's at the door in what feels like an instant.</p><p>There's a friendly looking police office, but more importantly, there's <em>Blaine</em>.</p><p>"<em>Blaine</em>," Kurt exclaims with a breath, then swings the door open and wraps his arms around his husband.</p><p>"Found him wandering around downtown," the officer explains, "said he didn't remember how he got there."</p><p>"I just went for a walk, I don't know what all the fuss is about," Blaine grumbles.</p><p>"I'm so glad you're home," Kurt says, ignoring Blaine's grumbling and clinging to his husband as tightly as he can manage.</p>
<hr/><p>"Papa," Julia starts, sitting on the couch across from where Kurt and Blaine sit in their arm chairs, "there's something we wanted to talk to you about."</p><p>Kurt had talked to Julia about this ahead of time; they'd agreed they should both be there when they brought up the idea of Blaine moving into a home. It's not that they wanted to corner him; it's just that they thought maybe, if he saw that everyone was on the same page, it might be easier to convince him. Because convincing Blaine, especially this new, often unpredictable Blaine, was not always so easy. Not that they expected to convince him today anyway, though; the waiting lists are long, it wouldn't be happening soon either way, so they just needed to get the idea in his head.</p><p>"What is it, Jules?" Blaine asks, brow furrowing in confusion.</p><p>"Dad and I were talking, and we were thinking that maybe you should think about... a home."</p><p>Blaine looks even more confused now. "What do you mean? We have a home," he says, looking between Julia and Kurt.</p><p>"I know, honey, that's not what she means," Kurt says gently, taking Blaine's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.</p><p>"Then what do you mean?"</p><p>"We mean a nursing home," Julia supplies, and Kurt's eyes are glued to Blaine's face, watching for his reaction.</p><p>Blaine's eyebrows shoot up. "A nursing... we don't need to be in a nursing home," he says with a short laugh. "Jules, we're doing just fine here, what are you talking about?"</p><p>"Actually," Kurt says carefully, "I think it might not be such a bad idea."</p><p>Blaine's head snaps to look at Kurt now, confusion written all over his face.</p><p>"Might not be– Kurt, we don't need to be in a <em>nursing home</em>. Where is this coming from?"</p><p>"It's more <em>you</em> that we're worried about, Papa," Julia points out, firmly but not unkindly.</p><p>Blaine's head snaps back to their daughter; he's going to get whiplash if he keeps this up.</p><p>"<em>Me</em>? Jules, I'm fine, I don't need...," he trails off, then slowly turns back to Kurt, and quietly, helplessly, "Kurt? You... you really think I... <em>Kurt</em>?"</p><p>It breaks his heart. "Honey, I don't want you to, you know I don't, but it's just... I don't think I can take care of you here, by myself, and I'd feel better knowing you were safe in a–"</p><p>"I don't need you to take care of me, Kurt, I'm fine," Blaine says defiantly.</p><p>"Sweetheart, you wandered out of the house last month, all the way downtown, and I didn't <em>know</em>, imagine if it was winter and it was cold out, I just–"</p><p>"Well it <em>wasn't</em>," Blaine spits, "I was <em>fine</em>, I just went for a walk, I don't need someone to take care of me, I don't need a fucking <em>nursing home</em>."</p><p>Kurt always hates it when Blaine swears; it used to be so rare, but with the personality changes the Alzheimer's has brought, it's become more frequent as the anger has become more frequent, and Kurt <em>hates</em> it because this <em>isn't Blaine</em>.</p><p>"Papa, come on, we're not trying to be difficult, we're just trying to do what's best for you."</p><p>"What's best for me is living in my <em>own house</em> with my <em>husband</em>," Blaine says angrily.</p><p>"Blaine, that's not best for you if I can't take care of you," Kurt says, getting frustrated now, and he's usually good at dealing with this but sometimes, especially when it doesn't feel like Blaine that he's talking to, it's just too much.</p><p>"I don't need you to <em>take care of me</em>, Kurt, we take care of <em>each other</em>, that's what being married <em>is</em>."</p><p>"You don't think I know what being married is, Blaine? You don't think I <em>know</em>? God, Blaine, I love you so much, you <em>know</em> I love you, but this is hard on me, too, okay? <em>You have</em> <em>Alzheimer's</em>, you <em>need</em> someone to take care of you, and I want to do that for you but I <em>can't</em>." It comes out harsher than he means too, and he's not sure when he started crying, either, but he feels the wetness on his face and he wipes roughly at a stray tear.</p><p>"This is ridiculous," Blaine mutters, getting up and striding out of the room.</p><p>"Papa, wait," Julia calls, moving to go after him.</p><p>"Jules, no, just... leave him be. He won't listen to us right now, anyway."</p><p>She settles back into her spot on the couch, but doesn't say anything.</p><p>They can try again another time. Blaine will probably forget this conversation ever happened, anyway.</p>
<hr/><p>"Hi, honey," Kurt says warmly, settling into the chair next to Blaine.</p><p>The chair in the common room. The common room in the nursing home. The nursing home that his husband now lives in.</p><p>It had taken some convincing – and the convincing had needed to happen several times, because Blaine forgot the first couple – but finally, <em>finally</em>, Blaine had agreed to move into the nursing home. So they'd gotten his name on the list, and waited. And waited some more. And then, finally, they got the call, and almost overnight his husband, the man he's lived with for the last three quarters of his life, is living <em>here</em>. He knows it's the best thing for Blaine, but that doesn't make it any easier.</p><p>"Oh, hi love," Blaine says, beaming at Kurt, "I was wondering where you were."</p><p>"I'm right here," Kurt says with a smile, taking Blaine's hand in his.</p><p>"Are you ready to go home?" Blaine asks, looking at him expectantly.</p><p>Kurt tries to suppress the frown tugging at the corners of his lips. These days are always the hardest; the ones when Blaine forget that this <em>is</em> his home now.</p><p>"Blaine, sweetheart, this is home," he says gently, squeezing Blaine's hand.</p><p>Blaine gives him a confused look. "What do you mean? This isn't our house."</p><p>"I know, you don't live in our house anymore, though. You live here now."</p><p>He frowns. "No I don't. Kurt, I want to go home."</p><p>"Sweetheart, you can't, I'm sorry. This is home."</p><p>"I don't understand," Blaine says, brow furrowed.</p><p>"You have Alzheimer's, Blaine, and you have to live here now, so that... so that the nurses can take care of you."</p><p>It breaks his heart every time he has to tell Blaine. Because each time is like the first time, like he's breaking <em>Blaine's</em> heart every time, and it <em>kills</em> him, and he never even knows how Blaine will react; sometimes he's angry, sometimes he's in denial, sometimes he just laughs and tells Kurt he's ridiculous.</p><p>"Oh," Blaine says quietly, pulling his hand away from Kurt's and staring down at the floor.</p><p>These times are always the worst, because he knows that Blaine understands exactly what's going on, knows that Blaine feels so totally helpless and alone, and if there's one thing he can thank this disease for, it's that at least most of the time, Blaine doesn't really <em>understand </em>that.</p>
<hr/><p>"Good afternoon," Kurt says cheerily, walking over to Blaine where he's seated in the chair in his room and giving him a small peck on the lips.</p><p>"Good afternoon, love," Blaine says, smiling back.</p><p>"I brought some very special people today," Kurt says, gesturing to Julia and Mallory behind him.</p><p>"So you did," Blaine says, eyes scanning over the two of them. "And who might these fine young ladies be?"</p><p>"Grampa, it's me," Mallory says, giggling, not noticing the look Kurt exchanges with her mother, because Kurt can tell that Blaine really <em>is</em> trying to figure it out.</p><p>"It's Jules and Mal, honey," Kurt prompts quietly, trying to keep a light tone in his voice for Mallory's sake just as much as for Blaine's – and, if he's being honest, for his own, too.</p><p>"Of course I know that," Blaine scolds him jokingly, but Kurt sees the little bit of panic in the honey-brown eyes, because Blaine <em>didn't</em> know, and he's forgotten people before, especially in here where there's so many different nurses, but... this is different.</p><p>"How's my favourite granddaughter?" Blaine asks, turning his attention to Mallory, "Come give grampa a hug!"</p>
<hr/><p>Kurt has made sure that Blaine's room at the home is full of photographs. Photos from when they were younger, their impromptu wedding, when they renewed their vows several years later. Photos from when they'd brought Julia home, and then from Julia's wedding. Old photos with Finn, Burt, and Carole, and more recent photos of the two of them, of them with their family and friends. Every photo Kurt could find, he printed out and put in Blaine's room. After music, it was one of the things that Blaine still seemed to find joy in; he would get lost staring at the pictures on the walls. Kurt is pretty sure Blaine sometimes forgets he's even there sometimes. And it gives them something to talk about, because Blaine is usually able to remember things from their past.</p><p>"Do you remember that day?" Kurt asks, pointing to a photo of the two of them on the day they got married.</p><p>"Of course I do," Blaine says, smiling over at him, "I married the love of my life that day."</p><p>Kurt beams back at Blaine; this man he loves with all his heart still, after all these years, somehow seems to know just what to say.</p><p>"So did I," Kurt agrees.</p><p>"I still can't believe Burt didn't kill me on the spot, you know," Blaine says with a laugh.</p><p>Kurt laughs too. "He wouldn't have. He always liked you."</p><p>"Where is he? I haven't seen him in a while. We should go visit him sometime soon," Blaine says easily, as though he didn't just suggest visiting a man who has been dead for twenty-odd years.</p><p>"Yeah, that's a good idea. We should," Kurt agrees, before quickly moving on to another picture.</p><p>He's argued with Blaine about this before, and it never ends well. There's no point. Blaine will just forget again, anyway. And if he had the option of believing his father was still alive somewhere, well, he'd take it, too.</p>
<hr/><p>"But someone needs to feed the cat!"</p><p>Kurt can hear Blaine's voice in the hallway before he even reaches the room. He speeds up a little, as much as he can, and walks through the door to see one of the nurses in the room with his husband, a hand on his arm as he tries to calm him down.</p><p>"Blaine, don't worry, someone will feed the cat, why don't you just lie down?"</p><p>"No, just let me go feed her! Someone needs to feed her!" Blaine repeats, tone bordering on hysterical now.</p><p>These episodes have become more and more frequent; Blaine will get this idea in his head that there's an animal he needs to take care of, or sometimes a real baby, and he works himself up into this state and it <em>kills</em> Kurt.</p><p>"Hey, hey honey, hey what's wrong," Kurt says, rushing over to Blaine's side and taking a seat on the bed next to him.</p><p>"Kurt, they won't let me feed the cat," Blaine says emphatically, gripping tightly onto Kurt's arm, "she needs to be fed!"</p><p>"It's okay, Blaine, it's okay, I just fed her on my way here," Kurt soothes, brushing a thumb over his cheek, "it's okay."</p><p>"You did?" Blaine asks, a little calmer now, but Kurt can still here the tension in his voice.</p><p>"Yes sweetheart, I did. It's okay."</p><p>The nurse seems to decide that Kurt has this handled, and he makes his way silently out the door.</p><p>"I love you," Kurt says, wrapping an arm around Blaine and pulling him closer, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.</p><p>Blaine looks at Kurt, eyes softening as he meets Kurt's gaze. "I love you, too."</p>
<hr/><p>"Hi honey," Kurt says with a smile, walking into the room with a bouquet of red and yellow roses.</p><p>"Hello! Those are beautiful flowers," Blaine says, offering a friendly smile of his own in return.</p><p>"That's what I thought, too," Kurt agrees, "almost as beautiful as the man I bought them for."</p><p>"Sounds like a very lucky man," Blaine says with a chuckle.</p><p>"Well, I think I'm the lucky one," Kurt says with a smirk, holding the flowers out for Blaine to take.</p><p>Blaine reaches out, takes the flowers from Kurt, and smells them. But then he holds them back out to Kurt, looking at him expectantly. When Kurt doesn't take them back, Blaine speaks. "Well, you'd better go give them to that luck man," he prompts with a grin.</p><p>Kurt's face falls a little. "Blaine, they're... they're for you."</p><p>Blaine's expression is coloured with pleasant surprise at that. "For me? Well, why are you bringing me flowers?"</p><p>"Sweetheart, they're... It's me. Kurt."</p><p>Blaine tips his head to the side. "Kurt," he repeats slowly, and he's trying not to let on that he can't place it but <em>oh god</em> Blaine doesn't remember who he is.</p><p>Kurt swallows, tries to keep his composure, then gently, "I'm your husband, Blaine. It's Kurt, your husband."</p><p>"Yes, of course it is! You don't need to tell me who you are," Blaine says, burying his face in the flowers again and inhaling. "These are beautiful. Did you bring them?"</p><p>"Yes, I did. They're for you," Kurt says with a tight smile, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes.</p><p>"Thank you, love," Blaine smiles back warmly at his husband, and how long will it be before Blaine can't remember him at all?</p>
<hr/><p>"Oh hello there," Blaine greets as Kurt walks through the door to his room.</p><p>Blaine is cheery and friendly, just as he always is; one thing Kurt is grateful for is that Blaine doesn't really get angry anymore. For a while he had a short fuse, was unpredictable, and Kurt hated it almost more than the memory loss because at least when Blaine was forgetting things he still seemed like Blaine. But when he was angry, he didn't.</p><p>"Hi Blaine, how are you today?" Kurt asks as he takes a seat on the bed.</p><p>"I'm lovely," Blaine responds, "it's a beautiful day out, the sun is shining, and it looks like I have some company now which is always a pleasant surprise. Nobody has visited in a while."</p><p>It's a dreary, rainy March day, and Kurt was here yesterday, but he doesn't correct Blaine. He knows better by now.</p><p>Blaine doesn't have much of a memory at all anymore, and Kurt knows there's no sense in correcting the mistakes; it will only upset him. And it's a rare moment of clarity, brief and then it's gone, when Blaine even remembers who Kurt is anymore. And that's fine, Kurt tries to tell himself, it's fine. Blaine doesn't remember who he is anymore, but he's always happy when Kurt walks through that door, and if that's all Kurt can have now, he'll gladly take it if it means he can see that beautiful smile spread across Blaine's face. His husband, the man he loves more than anything else in this world. The man he was supposed to grow old with, sitting in a nursing home together, a sweet old married couple, and they did grow old together, but this isn't what he'd meant when he'd hoped for that one day.</p><p>"Maybe we should put some music on," Kurt suggests, reaching for the CD player on the small table against the wall. He doesn't wait for Blaine's response to hit the play button. Music always makes Blaine happy, and Kurt loves to see Blaine happy. And most of the time Blaine recognizes the songs they used to listen to, and the two men sing along together, and it almost feels like this was how they were supposed to be.</p><p>Maybe the music is for Kurt more than it is for Blaine.</p>
<hr/><p>Kurt sits in the front row of the pews at the church. There's a large crowd gathered, and he's glad for that; he knows it would have meant a lot to Blaine to know he'd touched so many other lives over the course of his lifetime. Julia sits to his right, and then Mallory nestled between her and her husband. They don't have much other family; Finn passed away in college, and Cooper had passed several years earlier as well.</p><p>Kurt was never a religious man. Even at his mom's funeral as a child, he remembers being confused; not understanding all the people telling him that his mother was <em>in a better place now</em>, because she wasn't in a better place, the best place she could be was there with him and she <em>wasn't</em> and she wouldn't want to <em>be</em> anywhere else if she had a choice in the matter. She was just dead. As he's grown up, as he's lived and met new people and experienced the world, he's come to understand a little more. He still doesn't believe it, himself – he thinks that when you die, you're just gone – but he understands that it's a comforting idea, that when you pass away in this life there's something more for you. And he doesn't fault anyone for those beliefs.</p><p>Blaine wasn't very religious, but he did still believe. It was something they'd argued about several times in their youth. Kurt hadn't understood how Blaine could believe something without evidence, especially being gay, living the lives they lived, knowing how people treated them; how could there be a higher power? Blaine would always argue that there was no proof that a god <em>didn't</em> exist, that while some people are bad there is still so much <em>good</em> in the world, that it brought him comfort. Their arguments usually ended with Blaine looking at him with those wide, honey-brown, puppy-dog eyes, and telling Kurt that there must be a god because there's no other possible explanation for someone as perfect as Kurt to exist and want to be with Blaine. It got him <em>every time</em>. Blaine really did have it wrong, though – if there was any sort of divine intervention in this world, it was someone making Blaine for Kurt.</p><p>But now Kurt is alone in this world, without Blaine, and he still doesn't believe in reincarnation or an afterlife but he knows that Blaine believed there was <em>something</em>, Blaine would <em>want this</em>, and so here he is; sitting in a church at his husband's funeral.</p><p>The pastor is standing at the front, looking out at the crowd gathered in the pews, reading from a book that is presumably the Bible but Kurt doesn't actually know for sure, doesn't really care if he's being honest, isn't even listening to the words coming from the man's mouth. He hears Julia sniffling next to him, sees from the corner of his eye as she pulls a tissue from her purse and dabs at her face. But he just feels numb. Numb like he's outside on a cold winter day, and at first it's just your nose, and it's cold but bearable; but then your fingers are cold inside your gloves, and it gets through the soles of your boots to your feet, and before too long you're chilled to the bone and then <em>numb</em>, you just don't <em>feel</em> anymore, and <em>why does everyone he loves have to die</em>?</p><p>He feels Julia nudge him gently, and realizes the service has finished. He stands slowly, makes his way up the aisle and out of the church, his daughter's arm linked through his.</p>
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